just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize