9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
