can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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