Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
