mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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