Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
