Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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