If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
