So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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