I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
