he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
