Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
