Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
