u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
