I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
