im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
