Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
