im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
