whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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