Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This is not my ceiling
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
