so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
