Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
