the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
