apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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