A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
