when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
