i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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