Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize