they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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