he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
