If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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