The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
