I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
