A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
