i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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