Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You ruined the universe
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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