You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You did what with his pubic hair?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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