my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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