just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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