I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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