I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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