Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Randomize
