U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We left the knife in your bed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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