first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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