How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
