No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You may now shotgun with the bride
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
