I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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