Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My hand turned me down
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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