just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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