I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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