I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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