I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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