We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
