the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
