I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize