you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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