I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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