If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
