the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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