hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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