Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
