your thong is hanging out like whoa
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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