she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
