if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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