you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
