On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
and she was petting her beer can
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
