Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How does it feel to date your dad?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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