For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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