george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i out mim tonsoeep
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