Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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